Re-evaluation

I'm home a few days now from a week at Edinburgh College of Art Summer School. I must say, what a full on week! Not only was it my first time away from my kids for a week (which is a silly worry, they were all chilled about it and most capably looked after), but also the first time I had been in Edinburgh during the Festival and Fringe. It was also the first time I had stepped into an art college as anything other than a fleeting visitor.

There, I have said it. It's been like my dirty little secret, you see...

I am a self taught artist.

I tend to keep that under my hat - not hide it, but not shout about it either. For years I've been harbouring a chip on my shoulder about my right to practice as an artist given I stopped my formal art education half way though an Art A-Level.

I say formal education, ever since I got back to painting as an adult I've always learned - self taught, attended workshops, spent time with other artists, watched demo's on the 'net, read books, visited exhibitions, played with new materials and techniques, pushed myself into new challenges... But somehow the fact I didn't have a degree has always mentally held me back from feeling 'authentic'.

Edinburgh College of Art - facade of the main building.

The week at ECA Summer School, therefore, became quite a big thing for me. Of course nothing like gaining a whole degree, but walking into the 'art world' that I've never quite felt a proper part of was quite a watershed moment (even if perhaps the rational mind told me it shouldn't be).

The ECA building itself is quite imposing and grand, and each day we walked into class up a huge stately home style, sweeping stone staircase. As we walked to the studio, we passed stunning classical sculptures and works by Anish Kapoor, no less! The studio itself seemingly could fit almost my entire house inside, and it's huge windows and sky lights looked directly out onto Edinburgh Castle in very close proximity.

A full week life drawing is no easy thing. I find even a day physically demanding, but five days of intensive work, stood at your easel, deep in concentration is quite exhausting (not least because I feel a need not to moan too much as the models don't exactly get an easy job of it either). Our tutor was the fabulous Graham Flack, who's patience with me though endless hours of frustration was much appreciated!

Charcoal isn't one of those mediums that I instantly fall in love with, so a couple of days working solidly with it almost broke me as a person - but you know I'm a big fan of that saying 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger'... By day three I'd grabbed a brush and ink and was feeling a little more in my usual shoes.

By the end of the week I must admit I was rather a jittery mess of different ideas, new perspectives, tired limbs, new friends, copious coffee, increased passion and confusing endless possibility.


Graham was a wonderful tutor. I have to say I wanted to weep with the "unfairness" of his critique a few times, but after a cooling down period would always see that he had a very valid point. Equally it was great to get feedback from the other (undoubtedly talented) students on my course, and I gained a few new insights into my work from them too. It was quite a challenge for me to be working in monochrome and single colours, as regular followers of my work will know I do tend towards technicolour in my work.


Being in a room for consecutive days, for hours at a time, with other artists was, in itself, a huge revelation - I guess I'm so used to my usual working pattern of being in my little studio alone, grabbing 15 mins and an hour here and there, painting at a furious pace in between blasts of frantic family life.

One thing I learned about my work that week was my tendency to be bold could often almost be seen as aggressive - and with much after thought I think it's a very valid point. My personal life over the last few years has been a bit turbulent (and I am playing no violin here, I think everyones lives contain such periods of change and sadness), and I think perhaps the full on attack mode of colour and contrast I can sometimes get switched into can be a reaction to that, survival mode. After much deep thought though, I realise at heart I am quite a loud, bold, almost brash kind of person, so I guess I'm never going to loose it entirely. But I can seek to find a little balance and sophistication, nurture these aspects in my work, and I can see this will become a bit of a theme for me in months to come...

I felt I wanted to produce a painting that sought to explore these mixed feelings and process of re-evaluation that I've been going through over recent days. Bold v subtle. Striving v acceptance. Frantic v calm. Colour v monochrome.

Re-evaluation.
20 x 20"
Acrylic on canvas.

'Re-Evaluation', Nicki MacRae 2011.

Details from Re-Evaluation

It'll take a few days for me to decide if the painting was successful, for it all to filter in, but in terms of the trip - the trip was definitely successful in prompting a major re-evaluation of myself and my work.

As for the future, I'm currently working on plans for another megalith painting trip over the winter, plans and prep' for two new bodies of work which hopefully will result in exhibitions in 2012 and 2013, a charity Xmas project, the 2012 calendar and prints are also still 'in the works'. So it's all good... Fingers crossed for all of that, bad luck could blight any of those plans, but l feeling of lack of validity in what I do is certainly not going to to trip me up! ;-)